Show Active Love By Loving With Your Heart, Might, Mind And Strength
"The love the Savior described is an active love." Finding Joy Through Loving Service; Elder M. Russell Ballard
Love is a verb, which requires action. There is more than one way to demonstrate love and none are passive. Don't hide your love and don't assume people know you love them, tell them.Service is a powerful way to love others and which requires action.
Psychologists say we have a tendency to overvalue our own contribution to the marriage and family and devalue the contribution of our spouse and family. We think we work harder than our spouse and family does.
The key is to follow the 80% rule, do what you think is 80% of the work in the relationship and home and you are likely to actually to be closer to 50%.
Dr. Scott Anderson in his recent relationship seminar taught us about D&C 59: 5 which describes active love,
"Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy might, mind, and strength."
Dr. Anderson pointed out that heart, might, mind and strength in this verse were in that order for a reason and taught what it means to love with your heart, might, mind and strength. In order to love God we also are required to love each other in the same manner.
Love With Your Heart
Love and especially active love starts with your heart because nothing else matters if your heart is not right. No other relationship skill you have supersedes a soft heart and a righteous motive. Anything you say will be meaningless if your spouse doesn't think you care.
Love With Your Might
Stephen Covey is an international business man who is frequently away from home. He says he makes up for this absence from the home by being there 100 percent when he is home. What do I think it means to be there 100% for your family? Don't multi-task. Don't read the newspaper when your wife or kids want to talk to you. Don't watch TV when your kids want to play with you. Give your family 100% undivided attention. Loving with your might is giving focused attention or energy.
Multi tasking may be one of the most common passive ways to love but when you give exclusive attention you are showing active love.
Love With Your Mind
Dr. Anderson taught an extremely powerful way to diffuse contention and build unity during a fight. It is a great way to put your family off the defensive and soften everyone.
He said to tell your family what you think you do that is making things difficult, and then you tell them how you could do better. You could use these phrases, "This is what I think I do that is making things difficult," and "This is what I think I can do to be better and improve things."
This may take a lot of character and humility to put into practice but it is an incredible way to be a peacemaker.
The natural tendency is to focus on how the other person is the problem instead of discovering how you contribute to the problem.
Love With Your Strength
The prophets teach that selfishness is a major cause of marital strife which leads to divorce. President Hinckley taught the key is to be more concerned about the happiness and well-being of your spouse than yourself.
Learning how to sacrifice is a must.
Another powerful principle Dr. Anderson teaches which he learned from a prophet is do something every day that you do not want to do.
Sacrifice is what helps us grow. We don't grow much in an environment of comfort and ease.
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